“She’s not really good at soccer and she doesn’t really like it, but all her friends are doing it.”

“If I miss a practice, even for a doctor’s appointment, I get benched.”

“If my son didn’t have an after-school activity every day of the week, he’d sit around eating junk and playing video games.”

“I don’t really like lacrosse, but I have to do it because it’ll look good on my college application.”

“She wants to take gymnastics, art, dance, and cooking, and she goes to afternoon religious school twice a week. I’m not pushing her.”

These are typical explanations and complaints from kids and parents. Clearly, some kids have too much to do and not enough time to do it. And it’s hard to tell if it’s due to parents pushing or kids trying to keep up with their peers.

Whatever the reason, one thing’s for sure — something’s got to give. Is your child too busy?

Why Are Kids So Busy?

For some families, kids may be driving the schedule because they don’t want to feel left out. Teens may feel pressure to boost their roster of activities to get into the college of their choice.

Some parents feel it’s more productive to keep their kids constantly occupied rather leave free time for playing, exploring, and learning on their own. They might also feel that their kids will miss out on key experiences if they aren’t doing what other kids are.

But most parents usually just want what seems best for their kids. Even when intentions are good, though, kids can easily become overscheduled. The pressure to participate in a handful of activities all the time and to “keep up” can be physically and emotionally exhausting for parents and kids alike.

Of course, organized activities and sports are beneficial, too. They foster social skills and are opportunities for play and exercise. They teach sportsmanship, self-discipline, and conflict resolution. Most of all, they’re fun! The key is to keep them that way and ensure that kids — and parents — aren’t overwhelmed.

Signs That Kids Are Too Busy

Sooner or later, kids who are too busy will begin to show signs. Every child is different, but overscheduled kids may:

• feel tired, anxious, or depressed
• complain of headaches and stomachaches, which may be due to stress, missed meals, or lack of sleep
• fall behind on their schoolwork, causing their grades to drop

Overscheduling can also take a toll on kids’ friendships and social lives. Family life also can suffer — when one parent is driving to basketball practice and the other is carpooling to dance class, meals are missed. As a result, some families rarely eat dinner together, and may not take the extra time to stay connected.

Plus, the weekly grind of driving kids all over the place and getting to one class, game, or practice after another can be downright tiresome and stressful for parents.

Tips for Busy Families

Even those parents who try to help their kids cut back on some activities can run up against coaches who won’t tolerate absences and kids who want to keep up with their friends. However, it’s important for parents to step back and make sure that their kids aren’t burning out.

The key is to schedule things in moderation and choose activities with a child’s age, temperament, interests, and abilities in mind. If something’s too advanced, the experience is likely to be frustrating. If it isn’t engaging, kids will be bored. And when kids do something only to please their parents, it defeats the whole purpose.

Depending on a kid’s age and interests, it’s possible to set reasonable limits on extracurricular activities and make them more enjoyable for all.

Here are some simple suggestions:

• Agree on ground rules ahead of time: For instance, plan on kids playing one sport per season or limit activities to two afternoons or evenings during the school week.
• Know how much time is required: For example, will there be time to practice between lessons? Does your child realize that soccer practice is twice a week, right after school until dinnertime? Then there’s the weekly game, too. Will homework suffer?
• Keep a calendar to stay organized: Display it on the refrigerator or other prominent spot so that everybody can stay up-to-date. And if you find an empty space on the calendar, leave it alone!
• Even if kids sign up for the season, let them miss one or two sessions: Sometimes taking the opportunity to hang out on a beautiful day is more important than going to one more activity, even if you’ve already paid for it.
• Try to carpool with other parents to make life easier.
• Try to balance activities for all of your kids — and yourself: It hardly seems fair to spend time and energy carting one kid to activities, leaving little time for another. And take time for yourself, to do the things you enjoy, and to spend time together as a family.
• Create family time: If you’re eating pizza on the run every night, plan a few dinners when everyone can be home at the same time — even if it means eating a little later. Schedule family fun time, too, whether it’s playing a board game or going on bike ride or hike.
• Set priorities: School should come first. If kids have a hard time keeping up academically, they may need to drop an activity.
• Know when to say no: If your child is already doing a lot but really wants to take on another activity, discuss what other activity or activities need to be dropped to make room for the new one.
• Remember the importance of downtime: Everyone needs a chance to relax, reflect on the day, or just do nothing.

Slow It Down

Take a moment and think about your child’s life. If it’s hectic, sit down together and decide where you can cut back. If it’s overly structured, set aside time for blowing off some steam.

Riding a bike, taking a walk, playing a game, listening to music, or just doing nothing for a while can give kids some much-needed downtime. And never forget how important it is for kids to simply get together to play. Kids need time to just be kids.

How can I help my younger children deal with their older brother’s deployment?
– Beth

When your son or daughter in the military is deployed, you probably have many emotions. It’s natural to feel proud of his or her service and courage. It’s also natural to feel sad or worried about the separation you’ll endure, and concerned about your child’s safety and well being.

When parents are so busy dealing with their own complicated emotions, it’s easy to overlook the worries that younger siblings might have. But your other children are affected, too.

That’s why it’s important to include all family members in the process of preparing for separation. Siblings have a need to say goodbye, too, each in their own way. They also need to know that even though they might not see their brother or sister for a while, there are ways to keep in touch and think of each other. Decide how you’ll do this. Maybe you’ll plan to keep an old-fashioned scrapbook for certain things, use email, texting, online chat, or video calling to communicate, or create a web-based photo album you can share.

Encourage your kids to talk about their concerns and questions so you’ll know where answers and reassurance are needed. Talk about how you’ll help each other through this difficult time.

Remember that kids can sense your stress and anxiety even if you don’t talk about it. It’s far better to let them know that they’re not alone in their worries. By sharing your feelings, you can help them feel comfortable talking about theirs as well.

While your son or daughter is away, create some new, enjoyable routines or activities with your other kids. Start a family game night, story night, movie night, or make-your-own-pizza night. Spending positive, relaxing time together keeps you feeling close and can make it easier to cope with the difficult period of deployment.

All too often, the news is filled with upsetting reports of the devastating effects of tornadoes, hurricanes, typhoons, floods, tsunamis, and other forces of nature.

In their aftermath, many people want to know how to aid those who’ve been displaced or injured. Here are some ways that families can help.

Make a Donation

These charitable organizations provide assistance to people affected by crises and natural disasters; most accept donations.
[Please note: By clicking on these links, you will be leaving our site.]

• American Red Cross (ARC)
• Doctors Without Borders
• International Rescue Committee
• Mercy Corps
• Partners in Health

It’s OK if your family doesn’t have a lot to give. Every donation, regardless of size, helps to rebuild when communities are hit by natural disasters.

Lend a Hand

While monetary donations are always appreciated, they’re not the only way that families can get involved. Here are some active ways that you and your kids can help out:

• Donate clothes, food, or other items. Check with your local ARC chapter, community center (like the YMCA), or place of worship to find out whether you can drop off donations or if there’s another way your family can contribute. You might suggest donating your time to help sort through donations and/or delivering goods to families affected by the disaster.
• Organize a fundraiser. Perhaps you could help your place of worship or local school organize a fundraiser to collect money or supplies for disaster victims. For a donation drive, ask the organization you’d like to donate to whether it needs the items you plan to send. Sometimes, charities get too many donations and have to spend money storing or handling the excess items.
• Organize a community event. Talk to your place of worship, child’s school, or community center about organizing a walk, run, bake sale, or other activity to raise money.

If your family isn’t able to help out right now, consider contributing in the coming weeks or months. With the degree of damage in disaster-struck areas, the need for donations and funds will be ongoing and your family’s contribution will be appreciated just as much in the future.

Why It Matters

Volunteering your time, money, or efforts not only helps the community, but also sets a good example for your kids. And helping others, especially collectively as a family, can be one of the most fun and rewarding experiences parents and children can share.

Get more tips on how to rally together as a family to really make a difference in the lives of others.

Whether you’re becoming a mom for the first time or the fourth, the days and weeks immediately following your baby’s birth can be as overwhelming as they are joyful and exciting.

Many women experience major mood shifts after childbirth, ranging from brief, mild baby blues to the longer-lasting, deeper clinical depression known as postpartum depression.

Feelings of sadness and depression are more common after childbirth than many people may realize. It’s important for new mothers — and those who love them — to understand the symptoms of postpartum depression and to reach out to family, friends, and medical professionals for help.

With the proper support and treatment, mothers who are experiencing any degree of postpartum depression can go on to be healthy, happy parents.

Baby Blues

Up to 80% of women experience something called the baby blues, feelings of sadness and emotional surges that begin in the first days after childbirth. With the baby blues, a woman might feel happy one minute and tearful or overwhelmed the next. She might feel sad, blue, irritable, discouraged, unhappy, tired, or moody. Baby blues usually last only a few days — but can linger as long as a week or two.

Why It Happens

These emotional surges are believed to be a natural effect of the hormone shifts that occur with pregnancy and childbirth. Levels of estrogen and progesterone that increased during pregnancy drop suddenly after delivery, and this can affect mood. These female hormones return to their pre-pregnancy levels within a week or so. As hormone levels normalize, baby blues usually resolve on their own without medical treatment.

What to Do

Getting proper rest, nutrition, and support are quite important — since being exhausted or sleep deprived or feeling stressed can reinforce and fuel feelings of sadness and depression.

To cope with baby blues, new moms should try to accept help in the first days and weeks after labor and delivery. Let family and friends help with errands, food shopping, household chores, or child care. Let someone prepare a meal or watch the baby while you relax with a shower, bath, or a nap.

Get plenty of rest and eat nutritious foods. Talking to people close to you, or to other new mothers, can help you feel supported and remind you that you’re not alone. You don’t have to stifle the tears if you feel the need to cry a bit — but try not to dwell on sad thoughts. Let the baby blues run their course and pass.

When to Call the Doctor

If baby blues linger longer than a week or two, talk to your doctor to discuss whether postpartum depression may be the cause of your emotional lows.

Postpartum Depression

For some women, the feelings of sadness or exhaustion run deeper and last longer than baby blues. About 10% of new mothers experience postpartum depression, which is a true clinical depression triggered by childbirth.

Postpartum depression usually begins 2 to 3 weeks after giving birth, but can start any time during the first few days, weeks, or months post-delivery.

A woman with postpartum depression may feel sad, tearful, despairing, discouraged, hopeless, worthless, or alone. She also may:

• have trouble concentrating or completing routine tasks
• lose her appetite or not feel interested in food
• feel indifferent to her baby or not feel attached or bonded
• feel overwhelmed by her situation and feel that there is no hope of things getting better
• feel like she is just going through the motions of her day without being able to feel happy, interested, pleased, or joyful about anything

Feelings and thoughts like these are painful for a woman to experience — especially during a time that is idealized as being full of happiness. Many women are reluctant to tell someone when they feel this way. But postpartum depression is a medical condition that requires attention and treatment.

Why It Happens

Postpartum depression can affect any woman — but some may be more at risk for developing it. Women who have battled depression at another time in their lives or have one or more relatives who have had depression might have a genetic tendency to develop postpartum depression.

Most postpartum depression is thought to be related to fluctuating hormone levels that affect mood and energy. Levels of estrogen and progesterone that increased during pregnancy drop suddenly after delivery. In some cases a woman’s thyroid hormone may decrease, too.

These rapid hormone shifts affect the brain’s mood chemistry in a way that can lead to sadness, low mood, and depression that lingers. Stress hormones may have an added effect on mood. Some women might experience this more than others.

When to Call the Doctor

If feelings of sadness or depression are strong, if they linger throughout most of the day for days in a row, or if they last longer that a week or two, talk to your doctor. A new mother who feels like giving up, who feels that life is not worth living, or who has suicidal thoughts or feelings needs to tell her doctor right away.

Postpartum depression can last for several months or even longer if it goes untreated. With proper treatment, a woman can feel like herself again. Treatment may include talk therapy, medication, or both. In addition, proper diet, exercise, rest, and social support can be very helpful. Some women find yoga to be beneficial. Some research suggests that expressing thoughts and emotions through certain writing techniques can help relieve symptoms of depression.

It may take several weeks for a woman to begin to feel better once she is being treated for depression, though some begin to feel better sooner. Ask your doctor about how soon to expect improvements and ways to take care of yourself in the meantime.

Postpartum Psychosis

A more serious and rare condition is postpartum psychosis. It affects about 1 in 1,000 women who give birth and occurs within the first month after labor and delivery. It may include hallucinations, such as hearing voices or seeing things, or feelings of paranoia.

With postpartum psychosis, a woman can have irrational ideas about her baby — such as that the baby is possessed or that she has to hurt herself or her child. This condition can be extremely serious and disabling, and new mothers who are experiencing these symptoms need medical attention right away.

Why It Happens

Women who have other psychiatric illnesses, such as bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder, may be at greater risk of developing postpartum psychosis.

When to Call the Doctor

Postpartum psychosis requires immediate medical attention and, often, a brief hospitalization. If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms, don’t delay getting medical attention.

Understanding the Changes After Childbirth

New mothers experience many layers of change in the days and weeks immediately following labor and delivery. In addition to the sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone — which can affect mood — other huge physical, emotional, and domestic changes can affect how a new mom feels.

Physical Changes

Pregnancy brings many physical changes, and labor and delivery are physically intense and challenging. It takes time for the body to recover, and a new mother might feel exhausted, emotionally drained, or uncomfortable after delivery.

Personal and Emotional Changes

A woman’s role and responsibilities may change quite a bit when she becomes a new mother. It can take time to adjust — even if she felt prepared for the change. Some women may feel isolated, worried, or scared.

Some new mothers face added stresses related to difficult circumstances or lack of support. Enduring a tough relationship, a precarious financial situation, or some other major life event at the same time — like a move or a job loss — can add stress.

Pregnancy-related stress — such as difficulty conceiving or complications during pregnancy or labor — can add to a new mom’s feeling of being depleted. Sometimes (but not always) these stresses can pave the way for depression.

Changes in Routines and Responsibilities

A newborn brings special demands on a mother’s time, attention, and energy. For first-time mothers, there can be lots to learn about meeting the baby’s most basic needs, like sleeping, feeding, bathing, and soothing. There are lots of new routines to establish.

The baby’s sleeping, waking, and feeding schedules can make it hard for a new mom to get the sleep and rest required to help handle all these new stresses and responsibilities. And without a good night’s sleep, even small things can seem overwhelming.

Getting Help and Helping Yourself

Tell your doctor if you’re having trouble with postpartum moods, thoughts, or feelings. Let someone else you trust know, too. This might be your partner, a friend, or a family member. This is a time to reach out and accept help and support from people close to you.

In addition to getting treatment for postpartum depression, small things you do can make it easier to get through a difficult time. You might find it helpful to:

• Take time for yourself. Schedule a babysitter for a regular time. This way you’ll be sure to get time for yourself and know that it’s coming.
• Focus on little things to look forward to during the day. This might be a hot shower, relaxing bath, walk around the block, or visit with a friend.
• Read something uplifting. Since depression may make it difficult to concentrate, choose something light and positive that can be read a bit at a time.
• Indulge in other simple pleasures. Page through a magazine, listen to music you enjoy, sip a cup of tea.
• Be with others. Create opportunities to spend time with other adults, like family and friends, who can provide some comfort and good company.
• Ask for help. Don’t shy away from asking for emotional support or help with caring for the baby or tackling household chores.
• Accept help. Accepting help doesn’t make you helpless — by reaching out you help yourself and your baby.
• Rest. Give your child a quiet place to sleep, and try to rest when the baby does.
• Get moving. A daily walk can help lift mood. (Check with your doctor before starting any new exercise program.)
• Be patient. Know that it may take time to feel better and take one day at a time.
• Be optimistic. Try to think of small things you’re grateful for.
• Join a support group. Ask your doctor or women’s center about resources in your community.

Helping Someone With Postpartum Depression

If you’re concerned that your partner or someone else you know is experiencing postpartum depression, it’s important to encourage her to talk to her doctor and to a mental health professional. Sometimes a woman is reluctant to seek help or may not recognize her own symptoms right away.

Consider giving the new mom some information on postpartum depression, and offer to read through it together. You might offer to make an appointment for her and go with her if she wants.

Once she’s receiving the care she needs, support, love, and friendship are good medicine, too. Here are a few things that you can continue do for her:

• Check in with her regularly to see how she’s doing.
• Listen when she wants to talk.
• Go for a walk with her (every day if possible!).
• Make her a nutritious meal (regularly!).
• Give her some breaks from housework and childcare responsibilities.
• Let her take a nap or a relaxing bath while you care for her baby.
• Be patient, be kind.
• Believe in her — and remind her of her true qualities and strengths.

Brighter Days Ahead

Like all forms of depression, postpartum depression creates a cloud of negative feelings and thoughts over a woman’s view of herself, those around her, her situation, and the future. Under the cloud of depression, a woman might see herself as helpless or worthless. She might view her situation as overwhelming or hopeless. Things might seem disappointing, uninteresting, or without meaning. Keep in mind that the bleak negative perspective is part of depression.

With the right treatment and support, the cloud can be lifted. This can free a woman to feel like herself again, to regain her perspective and sense of her own strength, her energy, her joy, and her hope. With those things in place, it’s easier to work with changes, to see solutions to life’s challenges, and to enjoy life’s pleasures again.

Someone who is the victim of (or threatened by) violence, injury, or harm can develop a mental health problem called postraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD can happen in the first few weeks after an event, or even years later.

People with PTSD often re-experience their trauma in the form of “flashbacks,” memories, nightmares, or scary thoughts, especially when they’re exposed to events or objects that remind them of the trauma.

Psychologists or other counselors can help people with PTSD deal with hurtful thoughts and bad feelings and get back to a normal life.

Causes

PTSD is often associated with soldiers and others on the front lines of war, but anyone — even kids — can develop the condition after a traumatic event.

Traumas that might bring on PTSD include the unexpected or violent death of a family member or close friend, and serious harm or threat of death or injury to oneself or a loved one. Situations that can cause such trauma include:

• violent attacks, like rape
• fire
• physical or sexual abuse
• acts of violence (such as school or neighborhood shootings)
• natural or manmade disasters
• car crashes
• military combat (sometimes called “shell shock”)
• witnessing another person go through these kinds of traumatic events
• being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness

In some cases, PTSD can happen after repeated exposure to these events. Survivor guilt (feelings of guilt for having survived an event in which friends or family members died) also might contribute to PTSD.

Who Is Likely to Develop It?

Not everyone who goes through a traumatic event will get PTSD. The chances of developing it and how severe it is vary based on things like personality, history of mental health issues, social support, family history, childhood experiences, current stress levels, and the nature of the traumatic event.

Studies show that people with PTSD often have atypical levels of key hormones involved in the stress response. For instance, research has shown that they have lower-than-normal cortisol levels and higher-than-normal epinephrine and norepinephrine levels — all of which play a big role in the body’s “fight-or-flight” reaction to sudden stress. (It’s known as “fight or flight” because that’s exactly what the body is preparing itself to do — to either fight off the danger or run from it.)

Signs and Symptoms

People with PTSD have symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression that include any of the following:

Intrusive thoughts or memories of the event

• unwanted memories of the event that keep coming back
• upsetting dreams or nightmares
• acting or feeling as though the event were happening again (flashbacks)
• heartache and fear when reminded of the event
• feeling jumpy, startled, or nervous when something triggers memories of the event
• children may reenact what happened in their play or drawings

Avoidance of any reminders of the event

• avoiding thinking about or talking about the trauma
• avoiding activities, places, or people that are reminders of the event
• inability to remember important parts of what happened

Negative thinking or mood since the event happened

• persistent worries and beliefs about people and the world being unsafe
• blaming oneself for the traumatic event
• lack of interest in participating in regular activities
• persistent feelings of anger, shame, fear or guilt about what happened
• feeling detached or estranged from people
• not able to have positive emotions (happiness, satisfaction, loving feelings)

Persistent feelings of anxiety or physical reactions

• trouble falling or staying asleep
• feeling cranky, grouchy, or angry
• problems paying attention or focusing
• always being on the lookout for danger or warning signs
• easily startled

Symptoms usually develop within the first month after the trauma, but they may not show up until months or even years have passed. These symptoms often continue for years after the trauma or, in some cases, may ease and return later in life if another event triggers memories of the trauma. (In fact, anniversaries of the event can often cause a flood of emotions and bad memories.)

PTSD also can come on as a sudden, short-term response (called acute stress disorder) to an event and can last many days or up to one month.

People with PTSD may not seek professional help because they think it’s understandable to feel frightened after going through a traumatic event. Sometimes, people may not recognize the link between their symptoms and the trauma they experienced.

Teachers, doctors, school counselors, friends, and other family members who know a child or teen well can play an important role in recognizing PTSD symptoms.

Treatment

Many people recover from a traumatic event after a period of adjustment. However, if your child or teen has experienced a traumatic event and has symptoms of PTSD for more than a month, get help from an expert.

Therapy can help address symptoms of avoidance, intrusive and negative thoughts, and a depressed or negative mood. A therapist will work with your family to help you and your child or teen adjust to what happened and get back to living life.

Mental health professionals who can help include:

• psychologists
• psychiatrists
• licensed clinical social workers
• licensed professional counselors
• licensed trauma professionals
• bereavement specialists

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is very effective for people who develop PTSD. This type of therapy teaches ways to replace negative, unhelpful thoughts and feelings with more positive thinking. Behavioral strategies can be used at a child’s own pace to help desensitize the child to the traumatic parts of what happened so he or she doesn’t feel so afraid of them.

In some cases, medicine might be used to treat serious symptoms of depression and anxiety. This can help those with PTSD cope with school and other daily activities while being treated. Medicine often is used only until someone feels better, then therapy can help get the person back on track.

Finally, group therapy or support groups are often helpful because they let kids and teens know that they’re not alone. Groups also provide a safe atmosphere in which to share feelings. Ask your child’s therapist for specific referrals or suggestions for a group.

Helping Your Child

First and foremost, your child needs your support and understanding. Sometimes other family members like parents and siblings will need support, too. While family and friends can play a key role in helping someone recover, it’s usually necessary to seek help from a trained therapist.

Here are some other things parents can do to support kids with PTSD:

• Most kids will need a period of adjustment after a stressful event, so during this time, it’s important for parents to offer support, love, and understanding.
• It can help to try to keep kids’ schedules and lives as similar as possible to before the event. This means not allowing your child to take off too much time from school or activities, even if it’s hard at the beginning.
• Let them talk about the traumatic event when and if they feel ready. It’s important not to force the issue if they don’t feel like sharing their thoughts. Praise them for being strong when they do talk about it. Some kids may prefer to draw or write about their experiences. Either way, encouragement and praise can help them get their feelings out.
• Reassure them that their feelings are typical and that they’re not “going crazy.” Support and understanding from parents can help with processing difficult feelings.
• Some kids and teens find it helpful to get involved in a support group for trauma survivors. Look online or check with your pediatrician or the school counselor to find groups nearby.
• Get professional help immediately if you have any concern that a child has thoughts of self-harm. Thoughts of suicide are serious at any age and should be treated right away.
• Help build self-confidence by encouraging kids to make everyday decisions where appropriate. PTSD can make kids feel powerless, so parents can help by showing their kids that they have control over certain aspects of their lives. Depending on the child’s age, parents might consider letting him or her choose a weekend activity or decide things like what’s for dinner or what to wear.
• Tell them that the traumatic event is not their fault. Encourage kids to talk about their feelings of guilt, but don’t let them blame themselves for what happened.
• Stay in touch with caregivers. It’s important to talk to teachers, babysitters, and other people who are involved in your child’s life.
• Do not criticize regressive behavior (returning to a previous level of development). If children want to sleep with the lights on or take a favorite stuffed animal to bed, it might help them get through this difficult period. Speak to your child’s doctor or therapist if you’re not sure about what is helpful for your son or daughter.

Also, take care of yourself. Helping your child or teen cope with PTSD can be very challenging and may require a lot of patience and support. Time does heal, and getting good support for your family can help everyone move forward.

Sooner or later, many families face the prospect of moving. Disruptive as moving can be for parents, the experience can be even more traumatic for kids, who may not be a part of the decision to move and might not understand it.

Kids can need some time and special attention during the transition. Try these tips to make the process less stressful for everyone.

Making the Decision to Move

Many kids thrive on familiarity and routine. So as you consider a move, weigh the benefits of that change against the comfort that established surroundings, school, and social life give your kids.

If your family has recently dealt with a major life change, such as divorce or death, you may want to postpone a move, if possible, to give kids time to adjust.

The decision to move may be out of your hands, perhaps due to a job transfer or financial issues. Even if you’re not happy about the move, try to maintain a positive attitude about it. During times of transition, a parent’s moods and attitudes can greatly affect kids, who may be looking for reassurance.

Discussing the Move With Kids

No matter what the circumstances, the most important way to prepare kids to move is to talk about it.

Try to give them as much information about the move as soon as possible. Answer questions completely and truthfully, and be receptive to both positive and negative reactions. Even if the move means an improvement in family life, kids don’t always understand that and may be focused on the frightening aspects of the change.

Involving kids in the planning as much as possible makes them feel like participants in the house-hunting process or the search for a new school. This can make the change feel less like it’s being forced on them.

If you’re moving across town, try to take your kids to visit the new house (or see it being built) and explore the new neighborhood.

For distant moves, provide as much information as you can about the new home, city, and state (or country). Access the Internet to learn about the community. Learn where kids can participate in favorite activities. See if a relative, friend, or even a real estate agent can take pictures of the new house and new school for your child.

Moving With Toddlers and Preschoolers

Kids younger than 6 may be the easiest to move, as they have a limited capacity to understand the changes involved. Still, your guidance is crucial.

Here are ways to ease the transition for young kids:

• Keep explanations clear and simple.
• Use a story to explain the move, or use toy trucks and furniture to act it out.
• When you pack your toddler’s toys in boxes, make sure to explain that you aren’t throwing them away.
• If your new home is nearby and vacant, go there to visit before the move and take a few toys over each time.
• Hold off on getting rid of your child’s old bedroom furniture, which may provide a sense of comfort in the new house. It might even be a good idea to arrange furniture in a similar way in the new bedroom.
• Avoid making other big changes during the move, like toilet training or advancing a toddler to a bed from a crib.
• Arrange for your toddler or preschooler to stay with a babysitter on moving day.

Moving With School-Age Kids

Kids in elementary school may be relatively open to a move, but still need serious consideration and help throughout the transition.

There are two schools of thought about “the right time to move.” Some experts say that summer is the best time because it avoids disrupting the school year. Others say that midyear is better because a child can meet other kids right away.

To avoid glitches that would add stress, gather any information the new school will need to process the transfer. That may include the most recent report card or transcript, birth certificate, and medical records.

Moving With Teens

It’s common for teens to actively rebel against a move. Your teen has probably invested considerable energy in a particular social group and might be involved in a romantic relationship. A move may mean that your teen will miss a long-awaited event, like a prom.

It’s particularly important to let teens know that you want to hear their concerns and that you respect them. While blanket assurances may sound dismissive, it’s legitimate to suggest that the move can serve as rehearsal for future changes, like college or a new job. However, also be sure to let them know that you hear their concerns.

After the move, consider planning a visit back to the old neighborhood, if it’s feasible. Also, see if if the teen can return for events like prom or homecoming.

If you’re moving midway through a school year, you might want to consider letting an older teen stay in the old location with a friend or relative, if that’s an option.

After Moving Day

After the move, try to get your child’s room in order before turning your attention to the rest of the house. Also, try to maintain your regular schedule for meals and bedtime to give kids a sense of familiarity.

When your child does start school, you may want to go along to meet as many teachers as possible or to introduce your child to the principal.

Set realistic expectations about the transition. Generally, teachers expect new kids to feel somewhat comfortable in their classes in about 6 weeks. Some kids need less time; others might need more. Encourage your child or teen to keep up with old friends through phone calls, video chats, parent-approved social media, and other ways to stay connected.

After the move, if you’re still concerned about your child’s transition, a family therapist might provide some helpful guidance.

A move can present many challenges, but good things also come from this kind of change. Your family might grow closer and you may learn more about each other by going through it together.

Preparing Kids

The arrival of a new baby can bring many changes to a family. Parents spend a lot of energy on preparations, and after the baby arrives, much of the family’s attention involves caring for the newborn.

All this change can be hard for older siblings to handle. It’s common for them to feel jealousy toward the newborn and to react to the upheaval by acting out.

But parents can prepare kids for an addition to the family. Discussing the pregnancy in terms that make sense to kids, making some arrangements, and including kids in the care of the newborn can make things easier for everyone.

During Pregnancy

To tell a child about an impending sibling, consider your own comfort level and your child’s maturity level. Preschoolers, for example, may not grasp concepts of time, so it might not mean much if you say that the baby will arrive in a few months. It may be more useful to explain that the baby will arrive in a particular season, such as winter or when it’s cold outside.

How much detail should you provide? Let your child’s questions be your guide. For example, a 4-year-old child may ask: “Where do babies come from?” Despite how it sounds, the child isn’t asking you to explain sex but probably wants to know where, literally, they come from. It may be enough to explain: “The baby comes from the uterus, which is inside the mother’s belly.” A child who wants to know more will ask.

If your child shows more interest in the baby, you can encourage that by:

• going through your child’s baby pictures
• reading books about childbirth (make sure they’re age-appropriate)
• visiting friends who have infants
• packing a bag for the hospital
• thinking of potential baby names
• going to the doctor to hear the baby’s heartbeat

Also look into sibling birth classes, which many hospitals offer to provide orientation for soon-to-be brothers and sisters. These classes can include lessons on how to hold a baby, explanations of how a baby is born, and opportunities for kids to discuss their feelings about having a new brother or sister.

Planning for Childbirth

As your due date draws near, make arrangements for older kids for the time when you’re in the hospital. Discuss these plans so kids know what to expect when the day arrives.

Consider letting your child visit you in the hospital as soon as possible after the baby is born, ideally when no other visitors are around — this helps reinforce the birth as an intimate family event.

Try to keep routines as regular as possible in the days and weeks around the baby’s arrival. If you plan to make any room shifts to accommodate the baby, do it a few weeks before your due date.

If your child is approaching a major milestone, like potty training or moving from a crib to a bed, try to make those changes well before your due date or put them off until after the baby has been home for a while.

Bringing the New Baby Home

Once the baby is home, you can help your other kids adjust to the changes. Include them as much as possible in the daily activities involving the baby so that they don’t feel left out.

Many kids want to help take care of a new baby. Though that “help” may mean that each task takes longer, it can give an older child a chance to interact with the baby in a positive way. Depending on their age, a big brother or sister may want to entertain the baby during a diaper change, help push the carriage, talk to the baby, or help dress, bathe, or burp the baby.

If your child expresses no interest in the baby, don’t be alarmed and don’t force it. It can take time.

Some occasions, like breastfeeding, excludes older kids. For these times, try to have toys on hand so that you can feed the baby without being interrupted or worrying about an older child feeling left out.

Take advantage of chances for one-on-one time with older kids. Spend time together while the baby is sleeping and, if possible, set aside time each day for older kids to get one parent’s undivided attention. Knowing that there’s special time just for them may help ease any resentment or anger about the new baby.

Also remind relatives and friends that your older child might want to talk about something other than the new baby. If relatives or friends ask how they can help, suggest a fun activity or something special for the older child.

Continue to send your older child to childcare or to school, if you’re able. It’s normal to feel guilty about sending your older child away since now you’re home with the new baby (and if you’re home, you might feel that everyone should be). But keeping normal routines is helpful for siblings. And this time can give you precious one-on-one time with the baby that you might not otherwise have. When your older child comes home from childcare or school, plan for some quality family time.

Dealing With Feelings

With all of the changes that a new baby can bring, some older kids might struggle as they try to adjust.

Encourage older kids to talk about their feelings about the new baby. If a child cannot express those feelings, don’t be surprised if he or she tests limits or reverts to speaking in baby talk.

If your child acts up, don’t bend the rules, but understand what feelings may be motivating that behavior. It could be a sign that your child needs more one-on-one time with you, but make it clear that although his or her feelings are important, they have to be expressed in appropriate ways.

Answering their kids’ questions about sex is a responsibility that many parents dread. Otherwise confident moms and dads often feel tongue-tied and awkward when it comes to talking about puberty and where babies come from.

But the subject shouldn’t be avoided. Parents can help foster healthy feelings about sex if they answer kids’ questions in an age-appropriate way.

When do kids start becoming curious about their bodies?

From as early as infancy, kids are interested in learning about their own bodies. They notice the differences between boys and girls and are naturally curious.

Toddlers often will touch their own genitals when they’re naked, such as in the bathtub or while being diapered. At this stage of development, they have no modesty. Such behaviors are signs of normal curiosity, not sexual activities, says the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), and shouldn’t bring scolding or punishment.

So, what should you do when your toddler begins touching himself or herself? Each family will approach this in their own way, based on their values, comfort level, and style. But keep in mind that your reaction to your child’s curiosity will convey whether these actions are “acceptable” or “shameful.” Toddlers who are scolded and made to feel bad about their natural curiosity may develop an increased focus on their private parts or feel shame.

Some parents choose to casually ignore self-touching or redirect a child’s attention toward something else. Others may want to acknowledge that, while they know it feels good to explore, it is a private matter and not OK to do in public.

Is it OK to use nicknames for private parts?

By the time a child is 3 years old, parents may choose to use the correct anatomical words. They may sound medical, but there is no reason why the proper label shouldn’t be used when the child is capable of saying it. These words — penis, vagina, etc. — should be stated matter-of-factly, with no implied silliness. That way, the child learns to use them in a direct manner, without embarrassment.

In fact, this is what most parents do. A Gallup poll showed that 67% of parents use actual names to refer to male and female body parts.

What do you tell a very young child who asks where babies come from?

Depending on the child’s age, you can say that the baby grows from an egg in the mommy’s womb, pointing to your stomach, and comes out of a special place, called the vagina. There is no need to explain the act of lovemaking because very young kids will not understand the concept.

However, you can say that when a man and a woman love each other, they like to be close to one another. Tell them that the man’s sperm joins the woman’s egg and then the baby begins to grow. Most kids under the age of 6 will accept this answer. Age-appropriate books on the subject are also helpful. Answer the question in a straightforward manner, and you will probably find that your child is satisfied with just a little information at a time.

What should you do if you catch kids “playing doctor” (showing private parts to each other)?

Kids 3 to 6 years old are most likely to “play doctor.” Many parents overreact when they witness or hear of such behavior. Heavy-handed scolding is not the way to deal with it. Nor should parents feel this is or will lead to promiscuous behavior. Often, the presence of a parent is enough to interrupt the play.

You may wish to direct your child’s attention to another activity without making a lot of fuss. Later, sit down with your child for a talk. Explain that although you understand the interest in his or her friend’s body, people are generally expected to keep their bodies covered in public. This way you have set limits without having made your child feel guilty.

This is also an appropriate age to begin to talk about good and bad touch. Tell kids that their bodies are their own and that they have the right to privacy. No one, not even a friend or family member, has the right to touch a child’s private areas. However, the AAP notes, an exception to this rule is when a parent is trying to find the source of pain or discomfort in the genital area, or when a doctor or nurse is performing a physical exam.

Kids should know that if anyone ever touches them in a way that feels strange or bad, they should tell that person to stop it and then tell you about it. Explain that you want to know about anything that makes your kids feel bad or uncomfortable.

When should parents sit kids down for that all-important “birds and bees” talk?

The “big talk” is a thing of the past. Learning about sex should not occur in one all-or-nothing session. It should be more of an unfolding process, one in which kids learn, over time, what they need to know. Questions should be answered as they arise so that kids’ natural curiosity is satisfied as they mature.

If your child doesn’t ask questions about sex, don’t just ignore the subject. When your child is about age 5, you can begin to introduce books that approach sexuality on a developmentally appropriate level. Parents often have trouble finding the right words, but many excellent books are available to help.

At what age should girls be told about menstruation?

Girls (and boys!) should have information about menstruation by about age 8. This is an area of intense interest to girls. Information about periods might be provided in school — and instructional books can be very helpful.

Many moms share their own personal experiences with their daughters, including when their periods first started and what it felt like, and how, as with many things, it wasn’t such a big deal after a while.

At what age should nudity in the home be curtailed?

Families set their own standards for nudity, modesty, and privacy — and these standards do vary greatly from family to family and in different parts of the world. Although every family’s values are different, privacy is an important concept for all kids to learn.

Parents should explain limits regarding privacy the same way that other house rules are explained — matter-of-factly — so that kids don’t come to associate privacy with guilt or secrecy. Generally, they’ll learn from the limits you establish for them — and by your own behaviors.

To what extent can parents depend on schools to teach sex education?

Parents should begin the sex education process long before it starts in school. The introduction of formal sexual education in the classroom varies; many schools start it in the fifth or sixth grade — and some don’t offer it at all.

Topics addressed in sex-ed class can include anatomy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and pregnancy. What teachers cover and when varies greatly from school to school. You may want to ask questions about your school’s curriculum so you can assess it yourself.

Children, when learning about sexual issues in school or outside of school, are likely to have many questions. The topic certainly can be confusing. Parents should be open to continuing the dialogue and answering questions at home. This is especially true if you want your kids to understand sexuality within the context of your family’s values.

Body changes and sexual issues are an important part of human development. If you have questions about how to talk with your child about them, ask your doctor for suggestions.

It takes confidence to be a kid. Whether going to a new school or stepping up to bat for the first time, kids face a lot of uncharted territory.

Naturally, parents want to instill a can-do attitude in their kids so that they’ll bravely take on new challenges and, over time, believe in themselves. While each child is a little different, parents can follow some general guidelines to build kids’ confidence.

Self-confidence rises out of a sense of competence. In other words, kids develop confidence not because parents tell them they’re great, but because of their achievements, big and small. Sure, it’s good to hear encouraging words from mom and dad. But words of praise mean more when they refer to a child’s specific efforts or new abilities.

When kids achieve something, whether it’s brushing their own teeth or riding a bike, they get a sense of themselves as able and capable, and tap into that high-octane fuel of confidence.

Building self-confidence can begin very early. When babies learn to turn the pages of a book or toddlers learn to walk, they are getting the idea “I can do it!” With each new skill and milestone, kids can develop increasing confidence.

Parents can help by giving kids lots of opportunities to practice and master their skills, letting kids make mistakes and being there to boost their spirits so they keep trying. Respond with interest and excitement when kids show off a new skill, and reward them with praise when they achieve a goal or make a good effort.

With plentiful opportunities, good instruction, and lots of patience from parents, kids can master basic skills — like tying their shoes and making the bed. Then, when other important challenges present themselves, kids can approach them knowing that they have already been successful in other areas.

Stay on the Sidelines

Of course, supervision is important to ensure that kids stay safe. But to help them really learn a new skill, it’s also important not to hover. Give kids the opportunity to try something new, make mistakes, and learn from them.

For instance, if your son wants to learn how to make a peanut butter sandwich, demonstrate, set up the ingredients, and let him give it a try. Will he make a bit of a mess? Almost certainly. But don’t swoop in the second some jelly hits the countertop. In fact, avoid any criticism that could discourage him from trying again. If you step in to finish the sandwich, your son will think, “Oh well, I guess I can’t make sandwiches.”

But if you have patience for the mess and the time it takes to learn, the payoff will be real. Someday soon he’ll be able to say, “I’m hungry for lunch, so I’m going to make my own sandwich.” You might even reply, “Great, can you make me one, too?” What a clear sign of your faith in his abilities!

Offer Encouragement and Praise

Sometimes, kids give up when frustrations arise. Help by encouraging persistence in the midst of setbacks. By trying again, kids learn that obstacles can be overcome.

Once kids reach a goal, you’ll want to praise not only the end result but also their willingness to stick with it. For instance, after your son has mastered making that peanut butter sandwich you might show your confidence by saying, “Next time, want to learn how to crack an egg?” Sandwich-fixing and egg-cracking might not seem like huge achievements, but they’re important steps in the right direction — toward your child’s independence.

Throughout childhood, parents have chances to prepare kids to take care of themselves. Sure, it’s great to feel needed, but as kids steadily gain confidence and independence, their relationship with you can be even richer. You can be bonded, not just by dependence, but by love and shared pride in all they’ve achieved.

Eventually, your grown-up kids just might say thanks for how prepared they feel for the road ahead — a road they can take with confidence.

Incidents of school violence are terrible and frightening, but fortunately they are rare. Although it might not seem that way, the rate of crime at U.S. schools that involve physical harm has been declining since the early 1990s.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), fewer than 1% of all homicides among school-age children happen on school grounds or on the way to and from school. The vast majority of students will never experience violence at school or in college.

Still, it’s natural for kids and teens to worry about whether something may happen to them. To help them deal with these fears, it’s important to talk about these tragedies when they happen, and to know what your kids watch or hear about them. This helps put frightening information into context.

Talking to Your Kids

It’s important for kids to feel like they can share their feelings, and know that their fears and anxieties are understandable.

Rather than waiting for your kids to approach you, consider starting the conversation. Ask what they understand about these incidents and how they feel about them.

Share your own feelings, too — during a tragedy, kids often look to adults for their reactions. It helps kids to know that they are not alone in feeling anxious. Knowing that their parents have similar feelings helps kids legitimize their own. At the same time, kids often need parents to help them feel safe.

What Schools Are Doing

Talk with your kids about what schools do to help protect their students. Many schools are taking extra precautions — some focus on keeping weapons out through random locker and bag checks, limiting entry and exit points at the school, and keeping the entryways under teacher supervision. Others use metal detectors.

Lessons on conflict resolution have been added to many schools’ courses to help prevent troubled students from resorting to violence. Peer counseling and active peer programs help students learn to watch for signs that a fellow student might be becoming more troubled or violent.

Another thing that helps make schools safer is greater awareness of problems like bullying and discrimination. Many schools now have programs to fight these problems, and teachers and administrators know more about protecting students from violence.

How Kids Perceive the News

Of course, you are not your child’s only source of information about school shootings or other tragic events that receive media attention. Kids are likely to repeatedly see or hear news stories or graphic images on TV, radio, or online, and such reports can teach them to view the world as a confusing, threatening, or unfriendly place.

Unlike movies or entertainment programs, news is real. But depending on a child’s age or maturity level, he or she may not yet understand the distinctions between fact and fantasy. By the time kids reach 7 or 8, however, what they watch on TV can seem all too real.

For some kids, the vividness of a sensational news story can be internalized and transformed into something that might happen to them. A child watching a news story about a school shooting might worry, “Could I be next? Could that happen to me?”

TV has the effect of shrinking the world and bringing it into our living rooms. By concentrating on violent stories, TV news can also promote a “mean-world” syndrome that can give kids a misrepresentation of what the world and society are actually like.

Discussing the News

To calm fears about the news, parents should be prepared to deliver what psychologists call “calm, unequivocal, but limited information.” This means delivering the truth, but in a way that fits the emotional level of your child. The key is to be truthful, but not go into more detail than your child is interested in or can handle.

Although it’s true that some things can’t be controlled, parents should still give kids the space to share their fears. Encourage them to talk openly about what scares them.

Older kids are less likely to accept an explanation at face value. Their budding skepticism about the news and how it’s produced and sold might hide fears they have about the stories covered. If an older child is bothered about a story, help him or her cope with these fears. An adult’s willingness to listen will send a powerful message.

Tips for Parents

• Know which sources your kids turn to for news and information, whether they’re watching TV or online.
• Recognize that news doesn’t have to be driven by disturbing pictures. Public television programs, newspapers, or newsmagazines specifically designed for kids can be less sensational — and less upsetting — ways for them to get information.
• Discuss current events with your kids on a regular basis. It’s important to help them think through stories they hear about. Ask questions: What do you think about these events? How do you think these things happen? Such questions also encourage conversation about non-news topics.
• Put news stories in proper context. Showing that certain events are isolated or explaining how one event relates to another helps kids make better sense of what they hear.
• Watch the news with your kids to filter stories together.
• Anticipate when guidance will be necessary and avoid shows that aren’t appropriate for your child’s age or level of development.
• If you’re uncomfortable with the content of the news or it’s inappropriate for your child’s age, turn it off.