Communication

I’ve noticed that the more sternly I speak to my kids — for example, after they’ve run into the street without looking — the more distraught they get. How can I make sure they understand the seriousness of certain situations without making them feel worse?
– Zoe

As the saying goes, “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” When your child’s safety is at risk — whether he’s run into the street, reached for an open flame, or gotten dangerously close to a pool — yelling, screaming, or crying out is a perfectly normal (and necessary!) response. After all, at that moment, you would do anything possible to get your child’s attention and get him out of harm’s way.

After an episode like this, it’s natural for kids to cry — and for you to want to apologize. But the truth is, your kids are likely crying in response to the fear and urgency in your voice, not because you’ve been “too stern.” At times like these, it’s OK to comfort them without apologizing. Give your child a hug and say something like, “I know you’re upset. But what you did was dangerous and I was scared that you were going to get hurt. You must never do that again.” Punishing kids after an event like this is usually not necessary, since they’ve probably learned their lesson.

On the other hand, there are times when being too stern — like yelling regularly for minor offenses — can backfire. Kids can become immune to parents’ overblown reactions and fail to take them seriously. If you feel yourself getting into this habit, take a deep breath before responding to your child’s behavior and ask yourself, “Am I about to overreact?” If so, walk away for a few minutes and come back when you’ve calmed down.

In general, when it comes to disciplining kids, it’s best to speak with a low, firm voice and to keep your focus on the behavior, not the child. It’s also helpful to use natural consequences whenever possible. That means if your child has thrown a toy, ask her to pick it up. If she’s taken something from her sibling, ask her to return it. If she chooses not to comply, an age-appropriate timeout or other consequence should follow, despite tearful pleas. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and giving in to a child’s tears may inadvertently reinforce negative behavior.

Becoming a parent by blending families or marrying someone with kids can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. If you’ve never had kids, you’ll get the opportunity to share your life with a younger person and help to shape his or her character. If you have kids, you’ll offer them more opportunities to build relationships and establish a special bond that only siblings can have.

In some cases, your new family members may get along without a hitch (just like The Brady Bunch), but other times you can expect difficulties along the way. Figuring out your role as a parent — aside from the day-to-day responsibilities that come with it — also may lead to confusion or even conflict between you and your partner, your partner’s ex-wife or ex-husband, and their kids.

While there is no foolproof formula for creating the”perfect” family (every family has its own dynamics), it’s important to approach this new situation with patience and understanding for the feelings of those involved. Here’s how to make things easier as you adapt to your new role.

Start Slow

The initial role of a stepparent is that of another caring adult in a child’s life, similar to a loving family member or mentor. You may desire a closer bond right away, and might wonder what you’re doing wrong if your new stepchild doesn’t warm up to you or your kids as quickly as you’d like — but relationships need time to grow.

Start out slow and try not to rush into things. Let things develop naturally — kids can tell when adults are being fake or insincere. Over time, you can develop a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your stepchildren, which doesn’t necessarily have to resemble the one they share with their birth parents.

Factors That Affect Your Relationship

Children who are mourning the loss of a deceased parent or the separation or divorce of their birth parents may need time to heal before they can fully accept you as a new parent.

For those whose birth parents are still alive, remarriage may mean the end of hope that their parents will reunite. Even if it has been several years since the separation, kids (even grown ones!) often hang onto that hope for a long time. From the kids’ perspective, this reality can make them feel angry, hurt, and confused.

Other factors that may affect the transition into stepparenting:

• How old the kids are. When it comes to adjusting and forming new relationships, younger kids generally have an easier time than older kids.
• How long you’ve known them. Usually, the longer you know the kids, the better the relationship. There are exceptions (for example, if you were friends with the parents before they separated and are blamed for the break-up), but in most cases having a history together makes the transition a little smoother.
• How long you dated the parent before marriage. Again, there are exceptions but typically if you don’t rush into the relationship with the adult, kids have a good sense that you are in this for the long haul.
• How well the parent you marry gets along with the ex-spouse. This is a critical factor. Minimal conflict and open communication between ex-partners can make a big difference regarding how easily kids accept you as their stepparent. It’s much easier for kids to transition to new living arrangements when adults keep negative comments out of earshot.
• How much time the kids spend with you. Trying to bond with kids every other weekend — when they want quality time with a birth parent they don’t see as often as they’d like — can be a difficult way to make friends with your new stepkids. Remember to put their needs first: If kids want time with their birth parent, they should get it. So sometimes making yourself scarce can help smooth the path to a better relationship in the long run.

Knowing ahead of time what situations may become problematic as you bring new family members together can help you prepare so that, if complications arise, you can handle them with an extra dose of patience and grace.

Steps to Great Stepparenting

All parents face difficulties now and then. But when you’re a stepparent, those obstacles are compounded by the fact that you are not the birth parent — this can open up power struggles within the family, whether it’s from the kids, your partner’s ex, or even your partner.

When times get tough, however, putting kids’ needs first can help you make good decisions. Here’s how:

• Put needs, not wants, first. Kids need love, affection, and consistent rules above all else. Giving them toys or treats, especially if they’re not earned with good grades or behavior, can lead to a situation where you feel like you’re trading gifts for love. Similarly, if you feel guilty for treating your biological kids differently from your stepchildren, don’t buy gifts to make up for it. Do you best to figure out how to treat them more equally.
• House rules matter. Keep your house rules as consistent as possible for all kids, whether they’re your kids from a previous relationship, your partner’s kids from a previous relationship, or new children you have had together. Children and teens will have different rules, but they should be consistently applied at all times. This helps kids adjust to transitions, like moving to a new house or welcoming a new baby, and helps them feel that all kids in your home are treated equally. If kids are dealing with two very different sets of rules in each home, it may be time for an adults-only family meeting — otherwise kids can learn to “work the system” for short-term gain but long-term problems.
• Create new family traditions. Find special activities to do with your stepkids, but be sure to get their feedback. Some new family traditions could include board game nights, bike riding together, cooking, doing crafts, or even playing quick word games in the car. The key is to have fun together, not to try to win their love — kids are smart and will quickly figure out if you’re trying to force a relationship.
• Respect all parents. When a partner’s ex is deceased, it’s important to be sensitive to and honor that person. If you and your partner share custody with the birth parent, try to be courteous and compassionate in your interactions with each other (no matter how hard that can be!). Never say negative things about the birth parent in front of the kids. Doing so often backfires and kids get angry with the parent making the remarks. No child likes to hear their parents criticized, even if he or she is complaining about them to you.
• Don’t use kids as messengers or go-betweens. Try not to question kids about what’s happening in the other household — they’ll resent it when they feel that they’re being asked to “spy” on another parent. Wherever possible, communicate directly with the other parent about relevant matters, such as scheduling, visitation, health issues, or school problems. Online custody calendars make this process a little easier because parents can note visitation days and share this information with each other via the Internet.
• Talk to your partner or spouse. Communication between you and your partner is important so that you can make parenting decisions together. This is especially crucial if you each have different notions on parenting and discipline. If you’re new to parenting as a stepparent, ask your partner what would be the best way to get to know the kids. Use resources to find out what kids of different ages are interested in — and don’t forget to ask them.

No matter what the circumstances of your new family, chances are there’ll be some bumps along the way. But don’t give up trying to make things work — even if things started off a little rocky, they still can (and probably will) improve as you and your new family members get to know each other better.

In some countries, it’s common for kids to learn two or more languages at a time and to use them daily to communicate and understand people around them — in fact, some kids grow up in places where four or more languages are spoken.

In countries such as the United States, there may be a dominant language; i.e., the one used by the government, schools, and the community. With this in mind, parents who speak an additional, “heritage” language may face a dilemma: Should we teach our children only the dominant language or should we try to raise them bilingual?

Although it’s important to learn the prevailing language in the country where you live, for many people it’s also important to have their kids learn the language of their parents, grandparents, and older siblings.

Deciding whether to teach your kids one or more languages is up to you. You may think they need to “start over” in a new country and that they only need to learn the dominant language. However, there are some advantages to raising bilingual kids.

What Bilingual Means

Being bilingual means understanding and expressing yourself in two languages, and being able to convey your thoughts clearly in both. Being plurilingual means having these skills in more than two languages.

Many people think English is the official language in the United States. This is not really so; whereas some countries have official languages, the United States does not. In fact, in 2004 the United States had around 336 spoken or recorded languages. Some U.S. states, though, are officially bilingual. For example, in Louisiana, English and French are the state’s official languages; in New Mexico, the official languages are English and Spanish; in Hawaii, they’re English and Hawaiian. So, being bilingual in the United States is not new.

Advantages of Being Bilingual

Some research shows that kids exposed to several languages are more creative and better at developing problem-solving skills. Other studies suggest that speaking a second language, even if only during the first years of life, helps build cognitive abilities so that a child will have an easier time learning other languages in the future.

Some experts say that if parents and kids don’t speak the same language at home, communication between them may suffer. As a result, parents may lose some control over their children and, over time, kids might turn to negative influences, such as gangs, to regain the sense of belonging they no longer experience at home.

Helping Kids Be Bilingual

Several methods can help kids be bilingual. In each, it’s very important to expose kids to both languages in different settings and to help them understand the significance of learning each language.

Two approaches are recommended:

1. The one parent, one language approach means that each parent speaks a different language at home during the early years of their child’s life. For example, the mother may talk to the child only in English, while the father may use just Spanish.
2. The minority language at home method allows parents to establish a usage for each language. For example, while kids would only speak Spanish at home, at school they would speak English.

With any method, try not to mix the languages. That is, when you talk to your child in your heritage language, don’t mix it with English in phrases or sentences. However, you shouldn’t be surprised if your child mingles words of both languages in one sentence. When it happens, correct him or her by casually providing the proper word in the language you are using.

Many materials can help your child learn a second language, including language learning CD-ROMs, video games, videos, and DVDs; music CDs; and battery-operated dolls. It’s also easy to find bilingual books and cartoons in Spanish such as Clifford, the Big Red Dog and Dora, the Explorer. And of course, there’s always the Internet.

When exposing kids to a second language, keep in mind their hobbies. For example, if a child likes soccer, watch a match in one of the Spanish-speaking stations. If your child likes music, check for the latest albums of artists singing in English and in their native language.

For young kids, use childhood rhymes, songs, and games. As your kids grow, be persistent and creative with your approach. Some parents send their kids to language schools so that they learn the language using a more formal method. Many families also send their kids to their country of origin to spend more time with relatives, either during the summer or for longer periods. Keep in mind that it’s also important to have friends who speak a heritage language.

Is There a Cultural Loss?

Some of your culture and some ties are likely to be lost if your child is raised in a new country; however, it’s up to you to choose whether you want to pass your cultural heritage to your kids or not.

There is, indeed, an “American” culture. However, remember that for centuries, many people who arrived in America looking for a more promising future kept their native languages and cultures at their homes and in their neighborhoods. However, they learned to speak English and blended in with the American lifestyle. These cultural identities still exist in many families after many generations. For instance, there’s an Italian or Chinese neighborhood in almost every big city in the United States. And Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, and St. Patrick’s Day are celebrated with enthusiasm every year.

Fluently speaking a second language may lead to significant cultural benefits. Children learning their cultural heritage language can communicate with their relatives and strengthen family ties beyond the borders. They’re also likely to be willing to know the history and traditions of their family’s country of origin. Understanding where they come from helps kids develop strong identities and can help them determine where they’ll go in the future.

Can it Delay Speech Development?

In some cases, learning two languages at a time may slow language development in comparison with monolingual children. Linguists say that bilingual children may reverse word order in a sentence but, just as kids who speak one language, they’ll understand what they mean. As a side note, correction should always be subtle so that a child doesn’t feel inhibited.

Some parents are afraid that talking to their kids in another language will hinder English learning at school. The truth is that before they go to school, children will have been in continuous contact with English through TV, the Internet, and friends. Parents are usually surprised by their children’s ability to learn English when playing with English-speaking kids in the neighborhood or at kindergarten. Once they start school, kids quickly catch up with their classmates. Then the nature of the problem for parents shifts to how to prevent their kids from speaking only English.

Some Challenges

Some kids may not be very excited at the thought of speaking their parents’ language. By nature, children want to be like their classmates. For example, if their friends speak only English, they might also want to speak just English. Parents who want their kids to speak a second language should continue to speak it at home, regardless of how reluctant their children might be.

Raising Bilingual Kids

Teaching a second language to kids might be a challenge. The fact is that most immigrant families lose their native language at the third generation, but this need not be your case.

Ultimately, your kid’s fluency in another language will be influenced by many factors, including personal motivation and parental support. First, decide the level you’d like your child to reach in your heritage language and, then, search for the appropriate resources, such as books and multimedia materials, formal education, or temporary immersion.

Raising kids to be bilingual may help them acknowledge the importance of their culture and heritage, as well as develop a strong personal identity. And it might even be a useful advantage at work when they’re adults!

Language development really takes off during this time, especially as your little one approaches the second birthday.

Kids this age are better able to comprehend what is said to them and express what they want through words and gestures. They take joy in their ability to understand directions — and won’t hesitate to give directions of their own.

How Toddlers Communicate

Most kids say their first words around the time of their first birthday. A toddler who is preoccupied with learning to walk may push talking to the back burner; it’s not unusual and is nothing to be alarmed about.

Kids this age might have learned fragments of dozens of words that may not be recognizable. They may echo what they hear or mix a few words with jargon (babbling with sentence-like intonations). When they get around to talking, though, they’ll probably progress quickly and soon be able to point at something familiar and say its name, and recognize names of familiar people, objects, and body parts.

By 2 years old, most toddlers will say 50 words or more, use phrases, and be able to put together two- to three-word sentences.

No matter when they say their first words, it’s a sure bet they are already understanding much of what is said to them before that. Your child should be able to respond to simple commands (“Roll the ball to Mommy”) and should be fully aware of the names of familiar objects and family members.

How to Encourage Language Development

Your little one is listening to everything you say and storing it away at an incredible rate. Instead of using “baby” words, use the correct names for people, places, and things. Speak slowly and clearly, and keep it simple.

Your 1-year-old might still be communicating with gestures such as pointing at pictures or at something he or she wants. Gestures will get more elaborate over this year as toddlers use them to imitate actions, express themselves, and play.

Gestures are an important part of language development. Make the connection between gestures and language by using a running commentary such as, “Do you want a drink?” (when your child points to the refrigerator), then wait for a response. Then say, “What do you want? Milk? OK, let’s get some milk.” Such behavior encourages kids to respond and participate in conversations.

Your child will probably enjoy gesture games, like pat-a-cake and so-big, and identifying things, such as body parts, pictures, or objects, and familiar people: “Where’s your ear?”, “Show me the ball” and “Where is Mommy?”

Your child’s vocabulary will grow quickly, but pronunciation isn’t likely to keep pace. By 2 years of age, most kids are understandable only about half the time. But emphasize the correct pronunciations in your responses.

Should I Be Concerned?

Most children meet these language milestones during this period:

• saying several words by 15-18 months of age
• pointing to familiar people, objects, and some body parts by 18 months
• saying 50 or more words by 2 years of age
• putting two words together to form a sentence by age 2
• following two-step commands by age 2

Don’t hesitate to report any concerns you have to your doctor, especially if you feel your child is not talking or you have concerns about hearing.

Some parents worry that a toddler who is not speaking may have autism. Children with autism and related conditions may have delayed speech or other problems with communication, but poor social interactions and limited or restricted interests or patterns of behavior are also hallmarks of the disorder.

If you have any questions or concerns about your child’s development, talk with your doctor.

This is an exciting time for parents, as babies this age make real progress in communicating. You and your baby will enjoy two-way “conversations” — exchanging smiles and oohs and aahs. And your baby’s personality begins to show as your little one becomes a more active and alert member of your family.

How Babies Communicate

Crying continues to be a baby’s primary means of communication for many months. Aside from letting parents know that they need something, they might cry when overwhelmed by all of the sights and sounds of the world.

Sometimes babies may cry for no clear reason. As long as your baby is not sick or hurt, try not to get too upset if your baby cries and you can’t console him or her right away.

Your baby will respond to the sound of your voice by becoming quiet, smiling, or getting excited and moving his or her arms and legs. Babies this age begin smiling regularly at mom and dad, but may need some time to warm up to less familiar people, like grandparents. Your baby probably won’t smile and act friendly with strangers.

Babies now discover their ability to vocalize: Soon you’ll have a cooing and gurgling machine! Some babies begin to make some vowel sounds (like “ah-ah” or “ooh-ooh”) at about 2 months.

Your baby will “talk” to you with a variety of sounds, and also will also smile at you and wait for your response, and respond to your smiles with his or her own. Your baby may even mimic your facial expressions.

What Should I Do?

Your baby loves to hear your voice, so talk, babble, sing, and coo away during these first few months. Respond enthusiastically to your baby’s sounds and smiles. Tell your baby what he or she is looking at or doing and what you are doing. Name familiar objects as you touch them or bring them to your baby.

Take special advantage of your baby’s own “talking” to have a “conversation.” If you hear your baby make a sound, repeat it and wait for him or her to make another. You are teaching your baby valuable lessons about tone, pacing, and taking turns when talking to someone else.

You are also sending the message that your baby is important enough to listen to. Don’t interrupt or look away when your baby’s “talking” — show you’re interested and that your little one can trust you.

Babies this age seem to respond best to the female voice — the one historically associated with comfort and food. That’s why most people will raise the pitch of their voices and exaggerate their speech when talking to babies. This is fine — studies have shown that “baby talk” doesn’t delay the development of speech — but mix in some regular adult words and tone. It may seem early, but you’re setting the stage for your baby’s first word.

Sometimes babies aren’t in the mood to talk or vocalize — even babies need their space and a break from all the stimulation in the world. Babies might turn away, closes their eyes, or becomes fussy or irritable. If this happens, let your little one be or just try cuddling.

There might be times when you’ve met all of your baby’s needs, yet he or she continues to cry. Don’t despair — your baby may be overly stimulated, have gas, or may have too much energy and need a good cry.

It’s common for babies to have a fussy period about the same time every day, generally between early evening and midnight. Though all babies cry and show some fussiness, when an infant who is otherwise healthy cries for more than 3 hours per day, more than 3 days per week for at least 3 weeks, it is a condition known as colic. This can be upsetting, but the good news is that it’s short-lived — most babies outgrow it at around 3 or 4 months of age.

Try to soothe your baby. Some babies are comforted by motion, such as rocking or being walked back and forth across the room, while others respond to sounds, like soft music or the hum of a vacuum cleaner. It may take some time to find out what best comforts your baby during these stressful periods.

If You’re Concerned

Talk to your doctor if your baby seems to cry for unusually long periods or if the cries sound odd to you. Your doctor will be able to reassure you or look for a medical reason for your baby’s distress. Chances are there is nothing wrong, and knowing this can help you relax and stay calm when your baby is upset.

During this period, babies usually reach these communication milestones:

• paying attention to faces and surroundings
• smiling at the sound of a parent’s voice
• smiling with social contact
• cooing and making sounds when talked to
• imitating some sounds and facial expressions

Keep in mind that babies communicate at different rates, just as they mature physically at different rates. There’s usually no cause for concern, but talk to your doctor if you have any questions about your baby’s language skills or hearing.

During this period, teens spend much of the day outside the home — at school or at after-school activities or jobs and with their friends. But it’s important to try to talk with your teen every day to share opinions, ideas, and information.

Here are a few tips to help you communicate with your teen:

• Make time during the day or evening to hear about your teen’s activities; be sure that he or she knows you are actively interested and listening carefully.
• Remember to talk with your teen, not at him or her.
• Ask questions that go beyond “yes” or “no” answers to prompt more developed conversation.
• Take advantage of time during car trips to talk with your teen.
• Make time for sporting and school events, playing games, and talking about current events.

Vocabulary and Communication

Teens essentially communicate as adults, with increasing maturity throughout high school. They comprehend abstract language, such as idioms, figurative language, and metaphors. Explanations may become more figurative and less literal.

Teens should be able to process texts and abstract meaning, relate word meanings and contexts, understand punctuation, and form complex syntactic structures. However, communication is more than the use and understanding of words; it also includes how teens think of themselves, their peers, and authority figures.

As teens seek independence from family and establish their own identity, they begin thinking abstractly and become concerned with moral issues. All of this shapes the way they think and communicate.

If You Suspect a Problem

You should have ongoing communication with your teen’s teachers about overall language skills and progress. If the teachers suspect a language-based learning disability, comprehensive testing will be necessary. This can include a hearing test, psychoeducational assessment (standardized testing to assess learning style as well as cognitive processes), and speech-language evaluation.

A teen with a specific communication difficulty, such as stuttering, should be referred to the school speech-language pathologist (an expert who evaluates and treats speech and language disorders).

Vocal-quality problems such as hoarseness, breathiness, or raspiness may require a medical evaluation by an otolaryngologist (an ear, nose, and throat specialist).

But in most cases, language difficulties will have been identified before this age. However, increasing academic troubles might indicate subtle problems.

Parents often feel that the teen years are a time of difficult communication, when it’s normal for teens to challenge parents and resist authority. However, behavior that causes severe disruption in the household may not be normal teen rebellion. If you feel that your relationship is particularly difficult, discuss it with your doctor.

During this period, teens spend much of the day outside the home — at school or at after-school activities or jobs and with their friends. But it’s important to try to talk with your teen every day to share opinions, ideas, and information.

Here are a few tips to help you communicate with your teen:

• Make time during the day or evening to hear about your teen’s activities; be sure that he or she knows you are actively interested and listening carefully.
• Remember to talk with your teen, not at him or her.
• Ask questions that go beyond “yes” or “no” answers to prompt more developed conversation.
• Take advantage of time during car trips to talk with your teen.
• Make time for sporting and school events, playing games, and talking about current events.

Vocabulary and Communication

Teens essentially communicate as adults, with increasing maturity throughout high school. They comprehend abstract language, such as idioms, figurative language, and metaphors. Explanations may become more figurative and less literal.

Teens should be able to process texts and abstract meaning, relate word meanings and contexts, understand punctuation, and form complex syntactic structures. However, communication is more than the use and understanding of words; it also includes how teens think of themselves, their peers, and authority figures.

As teens seek independence from family and establish their own identity, they begin thinking abstractly and become concerned with moral issues. All of this shapes the way they think and communicate.

If You Suspect a Problem

You should have ongoing communication with your teen’s teachers about overall language skills and progress. If the teachers suspect a language-based learning disability, comprehensive testing will be necessary. This can include a hearing test, psychoeducational assessment (standardized testing to assess learning style as well as cognitive processes), and speech-language evaluation.

A teen with a specific communication difficulty, such as stuttering, should be referred to the school speech-language pathologist (an expert who evaluates and treats speech and language disorders).

Vocal-quality problems such as hoarseness, breathiness, or raspiness may require a medical evaluation by an otolaryngologist (an ear, nose, and throat specialist).

But in most cases, language difficulties will have been identified before this age. However, increasing academic troubles might indicate subtle problems.

Parents often feel that the teen years are a time of difficult communication, when it’s normal for teens to challenge parents and resist authority. However, behavior that causes severe disruption in the household may not be normal teen rebellion. If you feel that your relationship is particularly difficult, discuss it with your doctor.

Communicating with our kids is one of the most pleasurable and rewarding parts of parenting. Children learn by absorbing information through daily interactions and experiences not only with us, but with other adults, family members, other kids, and the world.

Communicating With Your Child

The more interactive conversation and play kids are involved in, the more they learn. Reading books, singing, playing word games, and simply talking to toddlers will build their vocabulary and teach listening skills.

Here are a few suggestions to help improve your child’s communication skills:

• Talk to your toddler about what he or she did during the day or plans to do tomorrow. “I think it’s going to rain this afternoon. What shall we do?” Or discuss the day’s events at bedtime.
• Play make-believe games.
• Read favorite books over and over and encourage your child to join in with words he or she knows. Encourage “pretend” reading (letting your child “read” a book to you).

Vocabulary and Communication Patterns

Between the ages of 2 and 3, kids experience a tremendous growth spurt in language skills. At the start of this period, most kids can follow directions and say 50 or more words. Many combine words in short phrases and sentences. Kids this age usually can follow two-step instructions, such as “pick up the ball and bring it to Daddy.”

By age 3, a toddler’s vocabulary usually is 200 or more words, and many kids can string together three- or four-word sentences. Kids at this stage of language development can understand more and speak more clearly. By now, you should be able to understand about 75% of what your toddler says.

Kids should be using language freely and starting to solve problems and learn concepts. They usually can engage in a simple question-and-answer session. They also can count three objects correctly, begin to tell stories, and know their first and last name.

If You Suspect a Problem

If you think your child is having trouble with hearing, language development, or speech clarity, talk to your doctor. A hearing test may be one of the first steps in determining if your child has a hearing problem. Age 2 is not too young for a referral for a speech/language evaluation, particularly if a child is not following directions, answering simple questions, or saying enough words.

Typical Communication Problems

Communication problems for 2- to 3-year-olds include:

• hearing difficulties
• problems following directions
• poor vocabulary acquisition
• unclear speech
• stuttering

Stuttering and articulation problems are common at certain ages and most kids will outgrow them. Other problems may need further evaluation. Your doctor will discuss whether your child would benefit from speech and language evaluation and treatment. A child who also appears to be delayed in other areas of development may be referred to a developmental pediatrician or psychologist.

Some parents worry that a toddler who is not speaking may have autism. Children with autism and related conditions may have delayed speech or other problems with communication, but poor social interactions and limited or restricted interests or patterns of behavior are also hallmarks of this disorder.

If you have any questions or concerns about your child’s development, talk with your doctor.

Communicating with our kids is one of the most pleasurable and rewarding parts of parenting. Children learn by absorbing information through daily interactions and experiences not only with us, but with other adults, family members, other kids, and the world.

And between the ages of 4 and 5, many kids enter preschool or kindergarten programs, with language skills a key part of learning in the classroom.

Communicating With Your Child

The more interactive conversation and play kids are involved in, the more they learn. Reading books, singing, playing word games, and simply talking to kids will increase their vocabulary while providing increased opportunities to develop listening skills.

Here some ways you can help boost your child’s communication skills:

• Talk about the day’s activities.
• Talk with your child about the books you read together.
• Talk with your child about the TV programs and videos you watch together.
• Keep books, magazines, and other reading material where kids can reach them without help.
• Help kids create their own “This Is Me” or “This Is Our Family” album with photographs or mementos.

Vocabulary and Communication Patterns

As kids gain master language skills, they also develop their conversational abilities. Kids 4 to 5 years old can follow more complex directions and enthusiastically talk about things they do. They can make up stories, listen attentively to stories, and retell stories.

At this age, kids usually can understand that letters and numbers are symbols of real things and ideas, and that they can be used to tell stories and offer information. Most will know the names and gender of family members and other personal information. They often play with words and make up silly words and stories.

Their sentence structures may now include five or more words, and their vocabulary is between 1,000 and 2,000 words. Speech at this age should be completely understandable, although there may be some developmental sound errors and stuttering, particularly among boys.

If You Suspect a Problem

If you suspect your child has a problem with hearing, language skills, or speech clarity, talk to your doctor. A hearing test may be one of the first steps to determine if your child has a hearing problem.

If a specific communication deficit or delay is suspected, the doctor may recommend a speech-language evaluation. A child who also appears to be delayed in other areas of development may be referred to a developmental pediatrician or psychologist.

Typical Communication Problems

Communication problems among kids in this age group include:

• hearing difficulties
• problems following directions
• trouble asking or answering questions
• difficulty holding a conversation
• poor vocabulary acquisition
• difficulty learning preschool concepts, such as colors and counting
• stuttering
• difficulties putting sentences together
• unclear speech

Some kids will outgrow these problems. For others, speech therapy or further evaluation might be needed. Your doctor will help determine whether your child would benefit from speech and language evaluation and treatment.

Your baby’s range of sounds and facial expressions continues to grow, with lots of smiling, laughing, and babbling. Your baby is also imitating sounds, an important skill for learning to talk.

How Babies Communicate

Babies this age begin to experiment with the sounds they can make with their mouths. Your baby will spend more time babbling and is learning to imitate sounds. Make no mistake, these are your baby’s early attempts at speaking and should be encouraged as much as possible.

If you listen closely, you’ll hear your baby’s voice raise and drop as if asking a question or making a statement. Your baby will also use sounds (other than crying) to get your attention and express feelings.

Your baby is just now beginning to understand the fundamentals of communication through language. When younger, your baby understood your meaning through the tone of your voice: soothing tones were comforting, agitated tones told him or her something was wrong.

Now, your baby is beginning to pick out the components of your speech and can hear and understand the different sounds you make and the way words form sentences. During this period babies learn to respond to their names, may pause when they hear “no,” and will start to associate words with familiar objects.

What Should I Do?

Babies this age enjoy vocal games and interactions. Your baby will be thrilled when you copy his or her coos and babbles. Imitate your baby’s “bah” and “ah-goo,” then follow up by saying some simple words that contain the same sound.

Have “conversations” and wait for a pause in your baby’s babble to “answer.” The give-and-take of these early discussions will set the stage for those first real words and conversations in the months to come. Ask your baby questions, and respond enthusiastically to whatever answers you get.

Introduce your baby to simple words that apply to everyday life. Name familiar people, objects, and activities. Babies understand words long before they can say them, so use real words and cut back on baby talk.

When you talk to your baby, slow your speech and emphasize single words — for example, say: “Do you want a toy? This is your toy,” as you show it to him or her. Then wait for a response. Following your speech with moments of silence will encourage your baby to vocalize and teach that conversation involves taking turns.

Should I Be Concerned?

By the end of the seventh month, babies usually:

• respond to their names
• respond to sounds by making their own
• babble repetitive consonants
• imitate sounds

Remember that there is a wide range of what’s normal for babies. If you have concerns about your baby’s language skills or hearing, talk to your doctor.